i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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