he puts the penis in happiness.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
