Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
