Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
