super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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