you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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