.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
