This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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