Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
