I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
