So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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