You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
