I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
