I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
