Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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