in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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