Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
