You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
