I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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