Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
