I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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