did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
