Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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