VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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