From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
