Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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