My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Umm I'm too high to move.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
