you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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