her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
