she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
