Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
