Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
