There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
