I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
