you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
