I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
