Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
