would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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