I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
