Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
