im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
