Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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