i may or may not be watching the land before time
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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