I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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