you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize