Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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