I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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