Your mouth is God's brothel.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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