I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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