i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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