So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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