I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
