Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize