So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
