I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
