No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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