I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
