On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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