just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
be right there i have to get my cape
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
