Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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