I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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