You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
