The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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