I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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