I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
