Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
