I'm gonna have a badass scar
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
