I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
