I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
