Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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