the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
