So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
