dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
