I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How does one acquire holy water?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
