Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
