Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
