My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
