"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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