What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
