Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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