Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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