i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
