What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
